Wednesday

Over a particularly verdant lamb of loin with a cream of antelope sauce and Arctic greens, the Group of Eight insouciant nations agree that, yes, they will cut carbon omissions "soon" (this century) and decide to admit Greenland as a member and "last resort".

The World Youth Day spokespilgrim admits that there won't be enough Opus Dei service booths to cater for the burgeoning numbers of faithful now scheduled to be in town for the big event. Big isn't the word, actually.

"We're expecting Asia, or the equivalent anyway. And don't think they'll be going home any time soon either," a chorus of heavenly figures intones.

Morris Iemma gets out the branch membership forms.

Thursday

The eggs were simply fried but the flecks of gold leaf gave them an indefinable air. Breakfast saw no advance on the Group of Eight mates' stance on carbon emissions. A gallic shrug here, Gordon Brown looking into space and whistling over there, the Canadian trying to remember his name after too many krugs the night before having a little sit down. "Cuts, for sure. We're crazy for cuts. You go first."

"Any fears of an emissions crisis are unfounded," the World Youth Day spokespope says while acknowledging that Sydney is in danger of sliding into the sea under the weight of pilgrims heading its way.

Friday

With the whole world now heading to Sydney for World Youth Day, the show's spokesgod reassures the world that the second coming is not nigh and that the Group of Eight will save the world after agreeing to swingeing cuts to carbon emissions after a recovery party that knew few bounds. "Put it this way, that Kevin Rudd knows how to party. The blowtorch trick's a riot," He says.