Fur babies and doggy daycare? The world has gone to the pack

People who love dogs, mainly. Including my colleague Megan who made a dog-related confession of her own this week.

Don't get me wrong, I love dogs. I've had a couple of dogs over the years, a couple of dopey golden retrievers and, as a kid, a mutt called Benji, who followed my mother around like a shadow.

I'll admit, however, that my favourite pet was a cranky tomcat called Thomasina who we had when I was young. He fought and f----ed his way around the neighbourhood until every kitten in the street had a touch of the ginger about it and no other cat would dare stray near our backyard.

I get it that dogs, indeed any pet, can become part of the family, but people, your dog is not a baby.

There is no phrase that irritates me more than "fur baby". Lord, what has the world come to?

If you feel as though you need to pay up to $100 a day to put your dog into daycare or pay someone else to walk it, maybe there's one thing you actually need to reconsider.

Is your lifestyle conducive to owning a dog? If not, then don't own a dog. Or change your lifestyle.

My dogs have always been outside dogs. Sure, they were allowed inside but all the sleeping was done out in nature where dogs have coped perfectly fine since they were wolves basically, tens of thousands of years ago. And people who let their dogs actually sleep in their beds? Who are you?

READ MORE:

My dogs had a big backyard, they'd get regular walks and cuddles from all of us. I think they were happy. One of the retrievers came into the family when the family was breaking down and I'll admit he probably was a little neglected at times. Some of his behaviours probably reflected that, he was a consistent humper, even as a grown dog. Which is kinda cute if your dog is a chihuahua, not if it's a big retriever.

When I moved to a townhouse with a small yard I made the hard decision to rehome him.

A neighbour, who was also a retriever lover, had a sister who lived on a farm out near Wagga and he went to live out there and spent his final years chasing sheep and sleeping in front of the open fire. I could never have given him that.

A few weeks ago I wrote about advice I'd offer my younger self. One of the things I wrote was: "Don't get a pet if what you really want is a baby. It will never prepare you for parenting a living human being. Nothing will."

Read that again.

I remember once I had a couple of young friends over for dinner who, quite quickly after our own dinner, excused themselves and headed home because their dog needed to be fed. They didn't have children. Mine were in another room, happily watching a movie. My dog was just lolling about in the backyard. I felt quite offended. Sure, go home because your babysitter might need to be home by 8pm, but don't diss my hospitality because your dog is on its own.

And another thing that annoys me is people who bring their dogs to cafes. If Arj Barker can ask a breastfeeding mother to leave his comedy show then surely I can ask people to leave a cafe, where I'm trying to eat and enjoy a cuppa, and take their whiny dog with them?

Australians spend more than $13 billion on caring for their pets each year, Lucy Arundell's series has revealed this week - increasingly on niche activities such as dog cafes and puppy day spas.

I can't believe dog owners have fallen for the pitch. Your dog needs to drink a fluffy puppaccino and organic bone broth? Your dog needs therapy because it has separation anxiety? Who saw these people coming?

When the country is embroiled in a cost of living crisis, these dog owners better not complain about too much. As Lucy reported, according to the 2022 Pet Ownership survey, Australians now spend $500 million a year making sure the dog goes for a walk. Maybe get up an hour earlier, kick the dog off your warm electric blanket and take it for a walk. It will do you - and your bank balance - ^{the world of good}.

I don't mean to sound too heartless. Pets are great. Quite often my son suggests I should get a dog to keep me company. No thanks. I'd rather have company. It's all about lifestyle choices. What if I want to jet off to Europe for the winter (which I can afford to do because I'm not paying for doggy daycare and frothy milk drinks), who'd look after the dog? If I want to duck down the coast at the last minute... who'd look after the dog?

And if I can be really honest, after two babies and three dogs, I've dealt with enough poop to last me a lifetime.