I was bemoaning to a friend the other day that I might never find a man. Not that that’s my sole focus but it would be nice to have someone to put the bins out, change a lightbulb and occasionally scratch that itch I can’t quite reach.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
or signup to continue reading
I’m starting to believe it’s an impossible quest, but then the other night when I was out on the town with the young things from work, singing karaoke at the '80s themed club 88mph, songs they thought were so cool because they were so retro, and I’m sitting there thinking I remember the week Love Shack came out, and there was this couple, about my age at the next table, who were having a great night, dancing, talking, not afraid of public displays of affection.
So as I do, often to the great embarrassment of my children, I struck up a conversation with these complete strangers. They just looked so happy and I wanted a little part of it. It turns out it was their second date. They had met on RSVP a few weeks ago. (RSVP is one site I haven’t tried, odd given it’s owned by Fairfax, the owners of this site, I wonder if I get a staff discount?)
And then, the morning after while I lay in bed, alone, wondering why on earth I stayed out so late, Facebook hit me, as only it’s algorithm can, with a link to The Date Mix, a website devoted to all things dating, run by Zoosk, another dating website.
I needed to stay in bed a little longer, so I had a look, and was terribly pleased to find it had taken me directly to the section devoted to senior dating. Yep. That’s what my life has become now. I’m out on the town carrying my senior card looking for discounted love.
The site was kind of helpful. I now know what I’m doing wrong - dating like I’m in my 20s (see mention above of late-night clubbing); worrying too much about chemistry; and hanging out with Debbie Downers who believe no good men exist. Or am I the Debbie Downer? Yikes, there’s something to think about.
But my favourite piece was about the myths of dating over 50. Let’s do our best mythbusters on some of them.
Men and women become less selective as they get older. Wrong. We’ve all settled once. I know what I want now, what I need (or at least think I need) and there’s no rush. I’m not going to fall into any old relationship just because it would help financially, or sometimes I get lonely. He’ll still have to tick the boxes.
Men and women who have children or are divorced have more baggage than those who have never married. Could be true. But by 50 if you don’t have baggage you probably haven’t travelled much. If I see a guy 45+ who’s never married, doesn’t have children, that’s more of a red flag. More so when men say they’re looking for a woman of a similar age who doesn’t have children. I’m sure you’re out there ladies so those men are all yours.
Men and women in their 50s are looking for someone their own age. Yes and no. I want to hit 88mph with someone who remembers the night they lost their virginity to Meatloaf in the back of a car. Actually I don’t want to hit nightclubs at all. But I would like someone with some energy.
Men still love the chase. The online story says “grown-up men no longer see the value in the challenge of chasing women”. I’m reading that as “men will wait for you to make the first move”, particularly online. Call me old-fashioned but I still like to be chased a little. Apparently men have more responsibilities and don’t have the time and energy to play cat and mouse. Like, who does?
Men don’t desire women over 50. Ah, desire. We all want to be desired. Apparently, though, men in midlife care a lot less about your appearance than they do about your enthusiasm, your interest and your enjoyment. Which is why all those tubby, balding midlife men won’t give you a second look. But that could be my fault, as many midlife women feel paralysed because they don’t have the body they did the last time they were single. Men sense that apparently.
Men and women aren’t interested in sex after age 50. Who are these people?
