We can all be terribly thankful that Tony Abbott, the captain of Team Australia, is a practical man who does not want to cause surprise, or amazement to other members of the team. He is a master of the art of the possible, not the impossible. He conserves his energy for the things that matter. In the words of Alexander Downer's 1995 slogan, he conserves his energy for the things that matter. And batter.
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At the beginning of this week, for example, he had a number of difficult choices to make about how he could spend his time. There was the problem of the Budget and the difficulties of some of his colleagues in persuading loose senators to let it go, and of convincing most voters that it was noble and fair. There was the problem of Ebola raging through western Africa, consuming victims (including Christian missionaries) more quickly than the soldiers of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant are slitting throats. And there was that throat slitting also, particularly of an American journalist. Abbott didn't even need the Daily Telegraph to tell him that this was an act of "pure evil" - although this did not, of course, stop the Tele from prompting him anyway, in its usual low-key way. There was, also, a minor-league invasion of Ukraine by Russian "volunteers", though that, of course, is relatively small beer given that Tony had dealt with them pretty effectively after they, by proxy apparently, injudiciously shot down MH17. One can bet that Vladimir Putin will be unwilling to tangle with Tony again. Or Julie either. But if Putin has any friends near Mount Sinjar, woe betide him if they shoot at our F-18s.
Abbott's not shy of a challenge, even one that may be hard to achieve. But he cannot actually perform miracles, apart from walking on water. Solving Ebola was beneath him. Selling the Budget was beyond him. Sorting out the Assyrians and the Mesopotamians, on the other hand, ought to be a bit of a doddle for Australia's own Hannibal. Not only that but it can itself be done at something of a distance, without any physical risk to himself, or even any enormous risk to junior members of the team, cruising five kilometres over the battlefield and dropping precision bombs on anyone flashing an open razor blade, or a sword. If a few goats or camels, or a few hundred women and children get wiped out "collaterally" in the process, that is really something they ought to have thought about before they associated themselves with such dangerous people. Even if they have come from Australia.
Apparently, these terrorists will stop terrorising others as soon as there is a significant display of force. Alternatively, they will be dead, or repentant, and ready to put up their arms, or what is left of them and to submit to the rule of law and of God as it emanates from God's democratically appointed representatives in Baghdad, or Damascus. Or perhaps Guantanemo Bay, because Australia never second guesses US military justice or vengeance.
These jihadists – who must understand that a desire for national independence, revolting against one's lawfully appointed leaders, summary execution of people not of your persuasion, recourse to force, or terror, or the killing or frightening of one's enemies, or, in particularly, the execution of American journalists – is not to be tolerated in any post-1776 circumstances, or, in the case of Israel post-1948 circumstances.
Australian journalists, Australia is OK again banging them up, up to a point at least. Mr Abbott prefers that that they are not executed either. But he seems to have no overwhelming objection to their being put indefinitely in Egyptian jails, or will make, at most, only a token protest and not despatch Julie Bishop, Sir Peter Cosgrove or any AFP cadaver dogs. If General Angus Campbell is giving advice, or is being listened to, it maybe best, in any event, if Australian journalists stay away so as to avoid getting involved in on-air activities.
Bad things happening to Australian journalists, so far as that is not actually a good thing is, at worst a "shit happens" matter, and is not, like the taunting murder of an American, actually a casus belli.
There will be the odd troublemaker who will claim that curing Ebola might have represented a greater contribution to the world, if equally at only minor risk to Australian lives, apart from the wellsprings of Australian missionaries and potential refugees in western Africa. But the ones who would say that are just the usual suspects who are resisting efforts to impose a mild co-payment on one's visit to the doctor so as to build up a vast pot of money which can be used for medical research to do just that sort of thing. These people can't have it both ways, and shouldn't be rewarded for their lack of team spirit. Team spirit, of course, involves respecting the captain's choices, or being hounded by the captain's dogs.
We are all very lucky that Abbott has a dream team to help him make the critical decision about how to help stranded American journalists , stray Christians and any other incidental persecutees in Mesopotamia and the Levant. Think George Brandis. Scott Morrison. Julie. Our Minister for Defence, whom some may remember is David Johnson, worth a division in his own right in any pillow fight. Eric Abetz, who, for some funny reason is worried about the dangers of appeasement. And Joe Hockey, in front row. Peter Dutton as breakaway.
With minds like those at work, we will go to the Middle East this time – assuming that someone asks – with a clear plan, and clear eyes, and no confusion of purpose.
It seems that even members of the Howard government who "got on board" with the invasion of Iraq and of Afghanistan a decade or so ago now realise that they made very serious mistakes which must not be repeated this time. This time, by golly, we will know what we will be doing. We will not make the mistake of going there, or of blindly following Americans anywhere without knowing what we are doing, or what they are doing, or why, or what our aims and intentions are, or by what measure we will gauge whether our efforts are a success or not. A success for us, for the coalition, or perhaps even a success for the poor benighted people whom we are there to save, presuming that they want us to save them.
Our politicians are not going to make mistakes again, as, inadvertently, it seems we did in going to Iraq and Afghanistan the time before.
We won't be wasting time looking for weapons of mass destruction either. Only razors and swords, and US military equipment discarded by soldiers running in terror from these barbaric rebels.
We may not even be thinking that regime change, either in Damascus or Baghdad will be a useful bonus, because it seems there's not much difference between the good baddies and the bad goodies. But we will be inculcate proper means of executing and incarcerating enemies of the state, or our state, and make life safer for the Christians, journalists and sundry persecuted Yazidis, Jews, moderate Sunnis, more extreme Sunnis, Shia, ASIO, ASIS, AFPP and Australian Wheat Board agents and hapless tourists from Lakemba.
Our military advisers, from Yarralumla down are available to give us their insights on a host of topics such as training local troops to full effectiveness, stopping the free passage of refugee boats down the Tigris and the Euphrates, and precision bombing from 5000 metres with an RAAF lawyer by one's side. ISILmust be trembling with terror and anticipation. What a pity Tony won't be able to lead the team out.
