Patrick Phibbs remembers the small moments. Like looking up at the big screen to see a photo of Shawn Mackay. Or how the rain started teeming down when he ran on to the field.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
or signup to continue reading
Most of all he remembers clutching Mackay's name, which was embroidered on his chest, after scoring a rare try to beat the Cape Town Stormers just days after one of his best mates died.
"I hadn't scored a try at all that season and the week leading into that game was pretty difficult," Phibbs said.
"But it was magical at the same time. We spoke to the family afterwards and said: 'That was for Shawn. We know he was looking down on us.'
"This weekend is still going to be emotional. It's not just about catching up. It's about respect for Shawn."
The ACT Brumbies will be aiming for their seventh consecutive win at home when they play the Queensland Reds on Saturday night in the last regular season game before the finals.
But up in the stands a group of Brumbies old boys will gather to reflect on something much more important than wins or losses. The 2009 Brumbies will come together for the first time since Mackay died 10 years ago after being hit by a car in Durban.
Mackay's family will be there, too, joining 15 former Brumbies players and 10 staff members who could get back to Canberra.
Those who couldn't make have sent heartfelt apologies and shared memories of Mackay.
Brumbies captain Christian Lealiifano and team manager Garry Quinlivan are the only remaining links to that team 10 years ago.
But while Mackay only played a handful of games for the club, he has never been forgotten.
The Brumbies still set up his locker every year at the closest home game to the anniversary of his death as a tribute to Mackay's life.
"It's still raw. I don't think I will ever get over it, I'm always going to miss him," Phibbs said of his Waverley College schoolmate.
"Guys are coming from everywhere. Mark Chisholm is flying down from Brisbane, Guy Shepherdson is flying down, Gene Fairbanks is driving in from Goulburn. Ben Hand has been organising it, the Brumbies have been great as well.
"I'm sure we'll talk about how everyone is going. But the reason we're there is because of Shawn and a chance to show our respect."
The night Mackay died is burnt into the memory of every Brumbies player. He was out with 15 teammates when he was struck by a car in the middle of a three-game South African tour.
The Brumbies played the following week in Bloemfontein before returning to Australia. Mackay died while they were flying home.
The squad rallied and paid tribute to Mackay before beating the Stormers. Former Brumbies captain Stephen Hoiles and Phibbs went to school with Mackay.
Days after the emotion-charged win against the Stormers in 2009, they laid a Brumbies jersey on Mackay's coffin at his funeral service.
"It's a sad reason to catch up, but it's good we're doing it," Hoiles said.
"Personally I probably found the 10-year anniversary [of Mackay's death] as the hardest to commemorate.
"I can't believe it's been 10 years. It blows your mind. At the time I was a new dad and footy became the best distraction.
"Rugby was the greatest escape of all. The hardest part was going home and thinking about it, alone time was really tough."
The Mackay reunion will be a moment to reflect for past players as the current squad aims to equal the longest winning streak in Brumbies history.
Phibbs, who now works for the Rugby Union Players Association, was a part of the only Brumbies team to win six games in a row when they went on a hot streak in 2007.
The Brumbies can equal that mark if they beat the Reds and they are also aiming for their seventh consecutive win at Canberra Stadium.
But former scrumhalf Phibbs says catching up to remember Mackay shows rugby is about more than wins or losses.
"It's really important for us. We didn't win anything in 2009 or the years following that, but we're reflecting on everything that happened," Phibbs said.
"I catch up with the Mackays at least one per year. That's when it really hits home how much he's missed and loved."
