What chance do our children have when so many adults are still getting sex wrong?

In a world full of unrealistic portrayals of sex, from pornography to our prime time television programs, it's no wonder they're struggling to understand what good sex, let alone a good sexual relationship, actually is.

On any given night they might be in their rooms accessing all kinds of pornography on their phones, while send titillating selfies via Snapchat, and when you call them out to come and watch some television with you, we're watching strangers on Married at First Sight have sex on the first night they meet and then, the next day, tell their partner that they're not really their type, "you're not ugly ... but". We're looking at you, Bryce.

Look, I know I shouldn't be watching it, but year after year I am drawn to MAFS.

I still believe in love, and try to convince myself that one heart-felt interpretive dance at a wedding is worth all the drama. But it's not, I know that deep in my cold heart.

Watching it this year has been interesting, immersed, as we sadly are, in a climate where women are marching across the nation demanding justice, where thousands of school students are revealing their experiences, where female politicians are being cut off by their male counterparts during press conferences and interviews.

It's exposed all that is wrong with these relationships; the judgement, the gaslighting, the narcissism.

If adults are still getting it so wrong, then our teenagers don't stand a chance.

I know MAFS isn't real. But when you start noticing things playing out around you, it makes you think again.

I know women whose husbands are chronic gaslighters, adulterous narcissists who turn everything around on them, making them believe they are the crazy ones, yet in their public life uphold "morals and values", champions of women, marching alongside them.

I see newly single friends regret casual hook-ups with strangers they've met online, looking for some connection but feeling even more empty afterwards.

I know of long-time married couples who haven't had sex for close to 10 years.

And all these people (except that gaslighting one) are good people, decent human beings, men and women who would never think of sexually assaulting someone else.

Yet they're still getting it wrong.

In their book Great Sexpectations (Trigger Publishing, $22.99), clinical psychologist and sex therapist Gemma Cribb and award-winning sex journalist James Findlay explore our distorted ideas of intimacy.

"We live in a hyper-sexualised society," they write. "Pornography, nudes, dates and hook-ups are easy to come by for anyone with an internet connection.

"Just like fast food, sex has become quick and easy to obtain, it looks perfect, but it is void of any true nourishment. Is it any wonder that so many of us are having sex and intimacy problems?"

They write about how valuable it can be for us to think about what our "sexpectations" are, what our unconscious beliefs might be and where we picked them up along the way, and how these might affecting every sexual encounter we have.

The book is full of useful exercises - and, no, it's not a book full of illustrations of positions and the like, the only thing you'll be manoeuvring is your mind - to get you thinking about what it is you want for yourself out of a sexual experience.

You need to figure that out before you start thinking about what it is your partner might want out of it, or asking what your partner wants out of it, and fulfilling both sets of expectations as best you can.

In her book, Great Sex Starts at 50 (Murdoch Books, $32.99) Tracey Cox suggests doing the same thing.

"The single most important factor that will determine whether or not you are happy sexually, whatever your age, is the way you think about sex," she says.

"It's far more important to understand the fundamentals of how your body and desire work than it is to master a new technique."

Cox's book is a must-read for anyone of a certain age.

It addresses the health issues that can affect sexual relationships, the reasons for a loss of libido, how menopause can change things, how to survive a sexless relationship, how to deal with affairs, or being single again.

Highly recommended.

There's a section which wraps up the book: 50 things you only know after 50.

It's not all about you.

Being fussy isn't bad.

Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely.

Game playing gets you nowhere.

If you're trying really hard and it's not working, you're in the wrong relationship.

It's impossible to feel sexy unless you believe in yourself.

Foreplay is sex.

The right time to have sex with someone new is when you feel ready (it might be after hello, it might be after a year).

If you're feeling bad after sex, you're sleeping with the wrong person.

Imagine if we could teach our young people these things.

Imagine if we could believe them ourselves.

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