Perinatal Mental Health Week: Raising awareness about mental health impact

Navigating mental health is something that mums, dads and non-birthing parents have to do in addition to adapting to a new chapter in their lives and the foreword of their bub's novel.

Far too often we confuse the feelings of perinatal depression and anxiety with the worries of being a new parent.

As a result, parents can often ignore the signs, which stops them reaching out for the right support to help them through what is already a challenging time.

As a clinical relationship psychotherapist, I deal with relationships, be it between couples, whatever that couple may look like, parents and children.

On a daily basis, I talk to people at all stages of their pregnancy and really delve into how they're dealing with this milestone.

Being sold the dream of a 'happy family' on every billboard, television commercial or advertisement can set up any family to fail.

Much how, models, celebrities and influencers set the mainstream beauty standards, this 'false advertising' becomes the benchmark for what a successful family should look like.

Perinatal depression and anxiety can manifest in men in a wide range of ways, often starting with feelings such as, "having this baby has been really tough", "isn't this meant to be a joyous time?", "aren't I meant to be feeling happy?" and "I've been told this is going to be the best thing that has ever happened in my life, so why do I feel like this?".

Dads and men in general aren't great at asking for help.

There's a stigma around talking about mental health and sourcing help for an intangible problem such as emotions and moods.

So, men tend to bury those feelings instead of talking about them.

For generations, the idea of the 'man of the house' has been a romanticised role of being the family member that takes care of the household, has the most responsibility and oversees making the big decisions.

Times have changed and so too have men's role within the domestic domain.

Stay-at-home dads, non-conventional couples, and single fathers have challenged the norms of the nuclear family, but perinatal depression and anxiety is not selective with who it affects and how.

My advice for both dads and non-birthing parents is to talk to your partner.

No matter how embarrassing it may feel, voicing those feelings of inadequacy may lead to your partner revealing they are experiencing the same emotions.

The next step is to seek outside help, there is a wealth of advice and resources out there specifically for men struggling through as an expectant or new dad.

Resources such as men's groups and partner-specific groups are full of people who are going through the same journey as you.

Having a baby is a huge shock to the system and caring for a newborn 24/7 can we very draining.

New parents are thrust into a world of being responsible for their baby's day-to-day maintenance and care.

Essentially, babies are the ones at the wheel and you just have to listen and attend to their needs.

You can be the most organised, structured and task-focused person in the world, but when it comes to babies, they're going to do what they want in their own time.

I work with new dads in antenatal classes who often disclose the exact date their baby is set to arrive.

Much to their dismay, I point out it's likely that your baby won't come on that day.

This is the first indication that the baby has its own timeline, and one that will inevitably take control over yours.

The pandemic was another uncontrollable force that had its own timeline, one that everyone around the world is still getting used to.

My biggest piece of advice that I offer to all my patients is, be strong, kind and committed. That's all you can do - the world's best dad doesn't exist. So just be the best dad you can be.

For more information about Perinatal Mental Health Week, visit pmhweek.org.au

If you or someone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.