Rachael Coopes on life after becoming a single mother and new book Find Your Strength

A few years ago, I found myself very pregnant and very alone, facing a future as a single mother that I hadn't planned. My partner and I had separated, but not in a Gwyneth Paltrow "conscious uncoupling" kinda way. It was more like a Game-of-Thrones-final-episode vibe. My pubic bone decided to copycat, and separate, too (which is some high-level Game-of-Thrones pain, let me tell you). My son Gabriel was born, screaming his little lungs out, which he continued to do ... all the time.

He never slept, wouldn't eat and cried a lot. I wondered if I'd ever sleep, or smile, again.

And then things got worse. I did smile - I had to. With bills to pay, in the middle of a bleak, freezing Canberra winter, I was back on tour with Play School Live concerts. I crawled on stage, smile plastered, in brightly coloured clothes hiding a body covered in psoriasis, singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" to a sea of ecstatic toddlers. While I was on stage, my grandpa was backstage rocking Gabriel in his pram, also singing and pulling funny faces. I was so very grateful to have him there, my beloved Grandpa. He was my greatest champion and ally.

Back in my hotel room, lying on a floor covered in towels with a projectile-vomiting, non-sleeping, reflux baby in tow, I fell apart. I felt exhausted and alone, on the battlefield of solo working parenthood, with no idea how the actual f%^& I was going to do this. My very Catholic grandpa had given me a card when I was young, and I'd kept it all my life. It had a picture of a little boat on a choppy ocean, dangerously close to a jagged, rocky sea cliff. It read: "God will protect you, but you have to row away from the rocks".

One of the primary yogic texts, the Bhagavad Gita, is set on a battlefield. Not in a pre-COVID-imagined utopia. Not on a yoga retreat in Bali drinking smoothies. On a battlefield. In the text, our warrior hero, Arjuna, surveys the battlefield he is about to fight on and has a panic attack. He says to his guide, Krishna (who happens to be God): "I can't do this. I can't fight".

Now, you'd think that the universe/God, in all its peace-loving wisdom, would say something like: "You're right. Let's just love each other, kiss and make up, and go home". But no. Krishna tells Arjuna that he has to fight. But, he says, he will teach him yoga in the process. He will give him tools to navigate the battlefield clearly, courageously and consciously.

There are many times in life when throwing down your weapons in surrender is not an option and you have to fight. Things may have fallen apart. You may have lost everything. You may have to choose between a few shitty options. Or maybe there's no choice and you have to do something you really don't want to do. No one else can do it for you. Even with loving family and friends, even with the wind in your sails, even with an army behind you like Arjuna had in the Bhagavad Gita. There are times in life when you have to warrior up and go it alone. You have to row away from the rocks.

These were my first lessons on the battlefield of single parenthood.

So, I got up off the floor, kissed my momentarily sleeping baby (very gently so I wouldn't wake him), had a shower, texted Alex Papps - my beloved, supportive co-presenter on tour - and asked him if he could get me some chocolate and chips from the vending machine in the car park. I didn't know how on earth I was going to survive this chapter. But I knew chocolate, and the Gita, was a really good start.

Key Takeaways

Bring vitality to the vehicle you've been given - the body, mind and breath. Start by watching how you relate to them.

Reflection questions

1. Do you ever have that experience of driving to a destination, but being so distracted that once you arrive, you can't remember how you got there? This week, notice those moments. Where do you tend to sleepwalk and not stay present?

2. Is there something you put off or procrastinate? Reflect on why. Then make a plan to combat it and take action.

3. How well are you nourishing yourself at the moment? Spend the next week monitoring how well you are doing with the physical layer - look at your sleep, hydration and nutrition. Is there a habit that is potentially putting a hole in your petrol tank? Maybe you could get to bed an hour earlier, take a bottle of water with you all week or cut down on sugar. You know what the thing is! We all do. Get to it.

Exercise: three conscious breaths

Breath meditation has its roots in Buddhism. The Dalai Lama says it takes just a few conscious breaths to meditate.

Thought leader Chade-Meng Tan takes it one step further. He teaches that the condition of the mind and body can be altered in one single breath. A conscious breath gives the mind a hook to practise taking a moment of mindful space, similar to what Pema Chodron calls a "pause practice". When the mind gets caught up in distracting thoughts, and our attention is being diverted all over the place, we pull it back into the present moment with breath. Vietnamese Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh suggests that breath meditation can magnify our focus and compassion, and awaken us to our true nature.

At the very least, it's a circuit-breaker to bring you into the present. So, let's put it to the test.

Wherever you are, find a comfortable seat. Bring your awareness into your physical body and notice the quality of your physical body. Notice the quality of your mind and your breath. Keeping the mouth closed, take a slow, deep, full inhale through both of your nostrils and open the mouth to exhale, letting the breath go. And then shift your awareness back to the body, the mind and breath.

Notice if there is a change or not. Shift awareness back to the breath, and try three deep, conscious breaths. Keep the mind focused on the depth of these breaths. Take a deep, full inhale and a deep, slow exhale, opening the mouth to let it go. Once more, inhale through the nostrils, exhale to let the breath go. Once more, inhaling and exhaling. Return to breathing as normal, noticing the quality of the breath, the quality of your mind and the quality of your physical body. If this creates a shift for you, you can apply it to your daily life, simply taking a conscious full breath whenever needed.