For decades Australian parents have been told to have the talk with their children, but why should talking about something so normal, like sex, bodies, relationships and consent be framed as a tricky conversation that only happens once.
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It shouldn't, and this Child Protection Week, Act for Kids is encouraging everyone to get comfortable talking to their kids about things that are part of everyday life.
Research we commissioned revealed far too many Australians didn't receive an adequate sex education. Out of 2000 people we surveyed, 79 per cent told us the sex education they received didn't prepare them for real life experiences and more than a third (33 per cent) told us they didn't receive any sex education. Worryingly, it also revealed only 19 per cent of people learnt about consent at school.
But if it's not being taught at school, what about at home one might ask. Unfortunately, our research also revealed 55 per cent of people weren't comfortable talking to their parents about sex and more than a third of parents haven't spoken to their children about it at all. This raised serious alarm bells for our team because we know consent should be taught from a young age as it helps a child build confidence and can empower them to have body autonomy as they grow into adolescence and then adulthood.
As part of the research, we interviewed young adults aged between 18 and 21 years who all told us their sex-ed came with stigma. One person also admitted they turned to online resources, including pornography to learn about sex. We know this can be detrimental because it sets unrealistic expectations of what sex is, let alone what a healthy relationship should look like.
So how do I ensure my child has the appropriate knowledge to thrive? It's simple, start conversations early and have them often, within everyday interactions.
The early stages of a child's life are crucial as it is when they start to develop emotional and social connections. This is why starting conversations about consent and body autonomy early is key to ensuring that they feel safe. Teaching your child consent should start from a young age before they start primary school and it doesn't have to be awkward or feel silly, it's as simple as explaining to them what you're doing and why. For example, "I'm going to change your nappy so that you're nice and clean." This helps them to understand safe touch versus unsafe touch. We encourage everyone to always use the correct anatomical names for body parts rather than nicknames or euphemisms and use age-appropriate language, such as words that your child can easily understand.
Teaching consent is also important before your child becomes sexually active. One in five women, and one in 10 men told us they felt pressure the first time they had sex. This really saddened us because no one should ever feel pressure when it comes to sex. It also highlights the importance of understanding that "yes" means yes, "no" means no and "maybe" also means no.
One thing that continues to shock parents and carers is the knowledge that their child often already has before you've even started to have conversations with them. Act for Kids has supported children as young as eight years old who have had access to pornography and are already showing signs of harmful sexual behaviours. The reality is children talk to each other and unless you're checking in with your child and starting conversations about sex, bodies, consent and relationships early, they're likely to gain information from other places including, friends, movies, or the internet where there is a significant risk of misinformation. It's a good idea to ask your child what they already know so that you can clarify any questions or queries they may have in a calm and casual manner.
We know not everyone feels comfortable talking about sex with their children so it's a good idea to inform yourself. Knowledge really is power, and when it comes to the safety of children, we think arming yourself with as much information as possible, will help to take away any of the awkwardness you may feel.
As adults we often forget we all learnt somewhere, but today in a digital world it is no longer enough to simply talk about the birds and the bees or have "the talk" - it is time we get comfy with sex-ed and make the conversations a part of everyday life to better protect Australia's future generation, our kids.
- Dr Katrina Lines is a psychologist and Act for Kids chief executive officer.
