Back-to-school tips for first-time parents - it's not all about the kids

While there's plenty of information around about how to help your child make a smooth transition to school, us parents are often left alone, standing at the school gate, with no help in sight.

I must admit I get a little sad this time of year. No shopping for school shoes, no wrestling with contact to cover school books, no eternal quest for the perfect lunch box, let alone the perfect nut-free, dairy-free, banana-free muesli bar for said lunch box.

Who am I kidding? I don't miss those things. Well apart from the muesli bar, I sometimes wonder if I indeed failed as a parent because I didn't manage to find that one recipe to rule them all.

With all my school years behind me - and it was always about me, those years were never about the kids were they? - here's my cheat sheet for first-time school parents. You'll go straight to the top of the class with a few of these tips under your belt.

If you're one of those parents, and I was, don't put your hand up for every school-related committee or activity in kindergarten. School is a marathon. Sure, by the time they get to highschool you won't be required to help with reading and the like, but I was still holding a stop watch at the boy's year 12 swimming carnival. I loved it. I wouldn't change a thing. But I have a lot of stamina for stuff like this. Always volunteering for something. Pick one thing to help with in your first year. Passionate about literacy? Help with reading. Know your way around a soccer field? Help with sport. Reheat a mean sausage roll? Sign up for some canteen sessions. I'm a firm believer in the idea that if your school knows you're interested in the school, they'll be more interested in your child. Don't get in the way. Just be around occasionally.

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School gate friendships can be fraught with danger. What happens when your kids have a falling out? What happens when they change classes? Or schools even? Some of the best friends you'll make will be other parents. There is no stronger bonding session than a frosty Saturday morning on the sidelines. But early on, be a floater. Be nice to everyone. Don't be too nice to anyone. Work out where you stand in the pecking order and behave like you're a couple of rungs lower while you actually know you're much higher. Find that parent that's happy to take your kid home from school on that day you're stuck in the office. Do the same for them. But it doesn't mean you ever have to be best friends.

That first morning will be weird. You will feel a bit lonely. Particularly if you don't have younger kids at home. If you do, that first morning might even be something of a relief. Make yourself a cup of tea. But you really have to let go. Be an advocate for your child but let them fight their own battles. Particularly in the playground. Kids will sort themselves out. If you believe your child is being bullied then that's a completely different kettle of fish, but the fact that Jayden won't play with them is not bullying. Never question other people's parenting skills. Never raise it with the other parent directly. If you truly believe there is an issue, raise it with the teacher first. Your kid is never going to learn to stand on their own two feet, or stand up for themselves, if you're there fighting every battle for them. Let them know that sometimes things will not go their way and that's just the way life is.

Okay, I thrive on organisation. You'll need to lift your game a little if you don't. You don't want that last week before school to be a horror show. Get shoes and books and stationery all sorted as quickly as you can. In fact, you should have done it by now. Spend that last week doing fun things like eating lunch out of lunch boxes. Can your child open theirs? And their drink bottle too? Organise some time off work in that first couple of weeks if you can. Even if you're knocking off in time for pick up. Your child will be incredibly tired and fragile, even if they're having the time of their lives. Nothing like a glass of milk and a biscuit with mum or dad after school to calm things down. Get yourself a little schedule going. Get the kids involved. Lunchbox ideas will wear you down. So will little pairs of white socks.

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