Zoë Wundenberg | Saying thank you properly has a lot of value

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm an overthinker. A big part of this is trying to choose my words wisely when I'm talking with others. If I say something that didn't come out right, or if I didn't say the right thing at the right time, it will literally keep me up at night.

I replay the moment over and over in my mind, partly in self-punishment perhaps, but also to figure out what I should have said or done differently, so I can learn from my mistakes.

A spin-off series of anxiety (same cast though) is how I thank people. It's really important to me that people who have made a difference to me know the value of their words or actions and the impact it has had on me.

But, I also don't want to come across like an over-eager puppy that makes the whole situation awkward because, well, I'm not a puppy, and a frumpy middle-aged woman doing the over-eager gratitude thing is just ... well ... not cute.

It seems like a simple thing, saying "thank you", doesn't it? Someone does or says something nice to you and you say, "thanks, that's lovely." End of.

But if you're me, you want to return the favour. You want them to feel something too, so you want to profess your gratitude in a way that is meaningful, genuine, demonstrative, but not... well... weird.

And I've found it harder than it should be.

Well, peeps, I think I've found the answer to my prayers.

I say, "Thank you. I appreciate you."

This must be differentiated from saying "I appreciate that," because that is a different beast entirely. I mean, they both walk on four legs, they both are members of the cat family, but whereas one is a lion, the other is a tiger. Same same, but different, if you get my drift.

It's one thing to be thankful for the act or the words, whether it's someone picking up your children from school for you, encouraging you to pursue a goal, or grabbing bread on their way home from work; but to tell a person that you appreciate them, is a really powerful emotional message.

By demonstrating appreciation for the person, I am saying that you are what is important, you are what I'm grateful for, not just the bread. Because it isn't really about the bread, is it? It's about someone being willing to inconvenience themselves however minutely to do something for you that you subsequently no longer have to do, yourself.

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I'm grateful for the bread, but I appreciate the person because I no longer have to go and get it myself. I appreciate the person because through that act (however small), they are demonstrating their love or friendship. I appreciate the person because they were thinking of my needs, perhaps even ahead of their own.

By acknowledging that appreciation beyond the act or words that they have undertaken for you, you contribute to their own sense of personal value, of contribution, and by extension, you enhance their sense of belonging, that they are a part of something bigger than themselves.

Who knew bread could be so powerful, eh?

Many of you will read this and think, "'well, she's a fruit loop short of a breakfast cereal", or simply dismiss these words as the ramblings of a madwoman who has done way too many all-nighters and may be suffering from an iron deficiency. But you know what?

Sharing my appreciation for the person over and above the act they've undertaken feels like the extra mile that has been missing from my gratitude. It's simple, it's not maudlin, it's short enough that the other person shouldn't feel awkward, and it conveys everything that's relevant.

I. Appreciate. You.

Three little words that are a love language unto themselves: an affirmation, a value statement, a connection and an acknowledgement all in one tiny three-word phrase.

I. Appreciate. You.

And, I do, dear reader. I appreciate the comments, and the emails, and the messages on socials I receive from you, some arguing the point, some agreeing with me, but always open to discussion.

You make this gig worth it.

Thank you. I appreciate you.