Which parenting style are you? It's back to the couch for more Parental Guidance

Parental Guidance, the hit Channel Nine series, does just that, back on screens from Monday with a new set of parents prepared to put their style of raising children to the test - on national television.

The main difference in this second series is that there are no illusions about what the parents are getting themselves into. But co-host and parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson says the show is not meant to be a blood sport.

Twelve sets of parents will be put through challenges and progress through rounds, based on the discretion of their fellow parents who, like we do at home, sit on the couch and assess the outcomes.

There will be one set of parents left standing - last year's winners were the free-range parents - but you can almost hear Coulson recoil at the end of the phone line because he hates the idea that the show is a competition.

He says it's all about igniting a national conversation and getting parents at home to consider the way they are raising their children.

"The show is what I would call minimally competitive," he says.

"Yes, there are rounds, yes we advance parents, but we don't advance them because they're better than the others, we advance them because the other parents are saying, 'We like what you're doing and we want to see more of it'."

The first series was a hit, appointment television for families who gathered to watch it together, a rare thing these days.

"At the end of season one, I heard so many stories about dads on their bike rides with their buddies in the morning talking about what was on the show the night before," Coulson says.

"Or mums standing by the soccer field on a Saturday morning, talking about the episode from a couple of nights ago. And they're not judging the parents. They're saying, 'Have I had that conversation with my kids? What would I do if I was in that situation?'.

"I really, truly think the typical Australian parent is watching this show not because of any voyeuristic, judgmental quality, but because it makes us rethink how we are engaging with our kids on topics like being safe online or viewing explicit content or bullying in a playground or how to treat your siblings well in high-pressure situations.

"All these things come up in series two and they're the things parents are going to be talking about. They're not going to be saying, 'Oh could you believe those parents and what they did?'.

"It might happen once or twice but the show doesn't direct them to that. The show directs them to what we could be doing better as parent."

This year's crop of parents have described their parenting styles as everything from lighthouse (maintaining a "watchful eye from a distance") to outback ("good manners and strict consequences for misbehaviour") to slow parenting (they don't have a TV and "avoid having an overloaded schedule").

The 12 different styles also include "gentle" parenting ("rather than always instructing their kids on what to do, they engage in dialogue by questioning their behaviour"), a single mum who espouses "honest" parenting ("no BS - just raw, honest, and straight to the point") and even an "influencer" style of parenting ("with an anti-strict parenting approach, they have few rules, particularly when it comes to screen time"). Cue the comments!

Coulson says it was a good mix.

"If we compare season one with season two, this time we knew what we were doing and so did the families who participated. And that was just a thrill. These families, they came in, they sat down and they went 'Right, we're here to talk about parenting'," he says.

"All the conversations were super strong. The willingness to share and get involved was just outstanding. Overall, this was just a delightful, delightful series

"And this series is just full of unexpected surprises. You won't believe what happens in some of the challenges, and then as we get towards the finale, some of the conversations are extraordinary, absolutely astounding."

The families hail from Adelaide, the Gold Coast, regional Queensland, Sydney and Cairns. Some viewing is hard to watch, as the parents enter into challenges that show their style of parenting may not be as robust as they believe, as the other parents in the studio roll their eyes and tut-tut at the unfolding disaster.

But Coulson says the show doesn't try to be one-dimensional - those who fall down at one point will soar at another. And the parents want to be there.

"The families all apply just like any other reality TV show," Coulson said.

"They go through a screening with psychologists. We want to make sure they are robust enough to deal with the rigours of having their parenting put under the microscope and scrutinised on national television.

"But I think the really important thing to say is that every single family has something to contribute to this conversation.

"You raise the gentle parenting - just like every other parenting style, they had moments when it appeared things weren't going so well, but they also had moments where they shine.

"And, again, that's what I love about this program - it gives every single parent the chance to be introspective and to reconsider what they are doing and it gives every single parent an opportunity to bask in the joy of nailing it.

"Because that's what parenting is, every single day we have those moments when we go 'oh no' or we have those moments when we go 'YES!"

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So why has parenting become harder? How can it be when we have all the time-saving devices of modern life that previous generations didn't have? And how can we complain about parenting while spending so much time scrolling through our phone looking at reels other parents have made complaining about parenting?

"What I think's happened - and we've got good research of this happening - is that over the decades, we have become increasingly intense about our parenting," Coulson says.

"We're much more invested in our children. We are trying to control things so that we can help them to fulfill their potential in life at levels that are unprecedented. Like, our grandparents weren't talking to our parents about how they could fulfill and maximise their potential. And if they were, certainly not in the way that we do today.

"Lets go back a couple of more generations to our great-grandparents. They weren't sitting around naval gazing about parenting. Even the word 'play date' wasn't mentioned until 1984. Parents weren't organising play dates a couple of generations ago. This is a new thing. And that's because we're so invested. And what that leads to is an increase in parental control.

"And parental control is associated with anxiety on our part, on our kids' part. And what has happened, especially since social media came on the scene, and mummy bloggers, Instagram and TikTok, is we have fetishised parenting. We've intensified parenting. To the point where in some places it does end up feeling like a competitive sport.

"That's not doing any good to people. It's not helping people. And a show like this helps us to sort of sit back and go, 'Ok, what am I really trying to do with my parenting?'. 'What's the stuff that matters most and how can I zero in on that?'."

A well-regarded parenting expert, Coulson has six daughters with wife Kylie, ranging from mid-20s to year three. So, what's his parenting style? Well, he's actually written a book about it (The Parenting Revolution - out now) in which he describes the different kinds of parenting and the one he thinks works best - "needs-supported parenting".

Coulson says it doesn't sound as sexy as helicopter parenting, or hyper-parenting, but needs-based parenting is what science has decided helps kids to thrive.

"Needs-supported parenting is what I would call the optimal parenting style. It's a style that recognises that when we create an environment that supports our child's basic psychological needs, they are more likely to flourish and thrive," he says.

"The critical word is 'psychological'. We're not talking about basic needs like air and food and water and shelter. We're talking about basic psychological needs."

The three things kids need, Coulson says, are relatedness (a feeling of connection with other), competence (a sense they can do things) and autonomy (a feeling they can make their own decisions). When they get those, they thrive. When they don't, Coulson says, "our children's resilience and wellbeing and motivation plummets". Serious food for thought.

But, Coulson, who turns 48 this year, and his wife are about to enter a whole new chapter of their lives. They are about to become grandparents for the first time. Will he adhere to his parenting style - or throw it all out the window to spoil his grandchild? His answer is achingly honest and relatable.

"My heart breaks when I think about how I was with my first couple of kids and, gee, I wish I could have been so different. And this is why so many grandparents just relish the role because they've got that time, they've got that distance, they've got that perspective and they just know there are things they could have done differently," Coulson says.

"I can't wait to teach this little tyke to surf. I can't wait to ride them to school on their bike and do all the things that I wish I'd done with my kids but I was too busy building a career or dealing with the stress of family life.

"I think grandparenting is going to be one of the best things I've ever done."

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