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It started when my amygdala, an almond-shaped piece of my brain, issued a series of urgent signals to my hypothalamus, a pea-sized member of the limbic system that releases hormones to control my response to stress.
Billions of neurons instantly began firing. My heart rate and blood pressure rose. My autonomic nervous system activated my lacrimal glands. My breathing came in gasps as those glands flooded my sinuses with a rich soup of antibodies, endorphins and electrolytes mingled with mucus and water.
Look, this is hard for me to talk about. I was crying.
But this wasn't your normal tear-shedding episode destined to end with some well-practised jaw-clenching and deep swallowing.
I couldn't stop.
In seconds the weeping turned to uncontrollable sobbing. I tried to speak but my heaving chest fractured every word. My wife started crying, too. She gripped one of my hands while keeping a concerned eye on the road. It was last week and we were driving along a freeway at 100kmh with nowhere safe to stop and me, a blubbering mess, hunched over the steering wheel.
I'd started apologising for some stupidly inappropriate things I'd blurted out the night before. I do that far too often. That filter in my brain, which allows most people to think before diplomatically saying what is on their mind, has been fraying ever since I hit my fifties - about the same time I noticed a grumpy old bastard loitering in the mirror, staring at me, spoiling for a fight.
I know that angry guy in the mirror too well. He hates the fact that his testosterone levels are falling. That his back constantly aches. That he's now afraid to climb ladders and must rely on others to fix the roof. That his ageing parents need more help and his kids need less. That his dentist knows he grinds his teeth in his sleep. That he secretly enjoys wearing thick long socks with sandals because it's so damn comfortable.
And the big unspoken one, too. The fear that his best years are behind him.
But here's something I didn't realise about that grumpy reflection of mine. He doesn't like crying. Can't deal with it. It's no coincidence that he hasn't been sighted since I sobbed on that highway and years of pent-up frustrations began spilling out.
No doubt his sneering, angry visage will return at some stage. But I've discovered that a decent cathartic howl is like a wooden stake to a vampire. I feel astonishingly lighter and calmer. I'm comfortable telling my wife how I feel. To keep that overbearing demon at bay I've resolved to cry more often.
Humans are the only species that cry for emotional reasons. But until last week I hadn't done it properly in decades, even though I come from a family where tears were never frowned upon. I've shed them at funerals and ferociously blinked them away during movies.
But a decent body-shuddering howl? Too many years of jobs demanding a tough exterior - and no doubt a bunch of stupid blokey beliefs about crying somehow equalling weakness - had seen me smother the instinct to blub.
Now I understand why I've envied my wife's serene nature for so long. She cries when she's happy and when she's sad. Salty tears are spilled during two-minute movie trailers and television commercials.
Yet she's the most tranquil person I know. Surely those tears help. She has a biological advantage, too. Women have up to 60 per cent more prolactin - a hormone present in tears - than men. They have shallower tear ducts. One study found they cry on average 64 times a year compared to just 17 for men, a number that seems awfully high to me.
We also know women are simply better at being honest about how they feel. They talk more and have wider circles of friends and confidantes. They brood less. They age more gracefully.
Many men avoid crying, particularly in the company of others, because losing control of our emotions scares and even shames us. It's a cultural thing. In Japan, which has historically placed a high value on a stoic public persona, people attend crying clubs called rui-katsu (tear-seeking) in order to relieve years of throttling their emotions.
I don't need a crying club. But I have learned, belatedly, that a good cry can indeed make me a better man. Which can only mean that for me and that grumpy bastard in my mirror, our best years might still be in front of us.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Do you enjoy a good cry and do you feel better for it? What makes you cry? When was the last time you had a decent sob? Or are you one of those people who repress their emotions and never shed a tear? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- Kathryn Campbell has been suspended without pay from her lucrative senior AUKUS job, making her the first senior head to roll after the robodebt royal commission's findings. The top bureaucrat, who had been working in the $900,000 a year advisory role within the Department of Defence since July 2022, was involuntarily stood down last Monday, senior government sources confirmed to The Canberra Times.
- A sex and consent education book was pulled from the shelves at a major retailer amid customer backlash. Welcome to Sex, written by adolescent health expert and GP Dr Melissa Kang and journalist Yumi Stynes is aimed at adolescents and explores topics including communication, relationships and sexual diversity. Big W said it pulled the book from shelves to keep staff safe, after employees were abused.
- Hot weather could disrupt vital cancer screening for one million rural Australians, prompting calls for better public health education in country communities. The national bowel cancer screening program delivers home tests to Australians aged over 50, but the kits are not sent out when regions experience average heat above 30.5C. The hot zone policy prevents deterioration of samples, but also means people in some rural and remote areas have a shorter window in the cooler months to self-test.
THEY SAID IT: "I always knew looking back on my tears would bring me laughter. But I never knew looking back on my laughter would make me cry." - Cat Stevens
YOU SAID IT: Economists are paying close attention to China as its economy sputters, consumer demand falls and deflation, not inflation, threaten bumpy times for the global economy.
Sue asks: "Are there any long-term, viable economic theories which allow us to predict or adjust financial problems or are there only knee-jerk reactions to financial situations which may have positive or negative benefits? I think I am with the negatives on this one and if the situation in China doesn't cause us problems, then probably the RBA will. I am glad our unemployment isn't at the level it is in China, but I don't have much faith in an organisation that seems to be saying that 4 per cent of our population should be unemployed and living on benefits which are at or near the poverty line, or that when some wages are so close to this level as well, pay increases are considered to be the cause of inflation. Love David Pope's cartoon. The 'yes' vote really needs some support out there."
"If the economy in China keeps slowing and they buy less from us, we'll just have to tighten our belts while looking elsewhere for customers," writes James. "Better to have those alternatives than China's problems. The Communist Party there has to keep a few hundred million workers employed, well fed and superficially happy or else they get the very thing they fear the most; mass whingeing and unrest. Who knows, if employment there really takes a dive and if discontent, already simmering but suppressed, becomes deep enough, they might eventually be lumbered with, heaven forbid, some form of democracy."
Bryan writes: "It is not the RBA that will cause a recession. It will be the Albanese government's policies. Giving pay rises is what will cause inflation. Policies that make power more expensive will cause inflation. And the list goes on."
"We are the quarry of the world," writes Bob. "If it wasn't for iron ore, coal and gas exports we would be toast. Without that, due to the ALP endorsement of the Lima Declaration of 1975 which forced most of our manufacturing (and some agriculture) offshore under the name of globalisation, we would be burnt toast. We have failed to take China to court over illegal import sanctions, and we are doomed to be an importer of cheap goods from around the world. Not looking good."
And from another Sue: "Oh, David! Brilliant cartoon! Spot on. Love your work!"