Jackie French: Kiwis - this cultivated fruit needs a heathy sex life

Should I give the plants to charity? To be honest, I was delighted to think I'd forgotten I'd ordered another male kiwi fruit, as the male kiwis are far less hardy than the females, and we only had one male for eight females, and he needs some help.

I love kiwifruit, though for most of my life they were known as "Chinese gooseberries" as they originated in China, where in at least one village they were known as "hairy goat's testicles", because of the wild variety's round shape and furriness. The "kiwi" image was fostered by New Zealand, where the small, sweet Chinese berries were bred into the larger and longer commercial varieties we now grow.

I have one of the small wild species vines twining up a pole near the vegetable garden, but after a dozen years or so it still hasn't fruited or even flowered. The wild ones are supposed to be self-fertile, but the cultivated ones definitely need a sex life, preferably at least one male to each six females - monogamy does not exist in the plant world - grown close to each other.

Kiwis were one of the first fruits I ever planted, as shade for the pergola outside our front door. Two of them remain, hacked back each year, kept because their trunks have twisted into beautifully aged shapes. Every year they grow enormously, twining around the top balcony and even through the doors and windows. If we left them alone, in a few years we'd be locked in as tightly by kiwifruit vines as any enchanted princess in her castle.

READ MORE: JACKIE FRENCH

We dug up the other vines around the house because even though kiwis provide excellent summer shade, and the large cream white flowers in late spring are a delight, those same flowers drop onto the paving and become a slippery sludge, dangerous for anyone wandering there, and the leaves fall into every crevice, drain and gutter around the house, refusing to decay and being what my husband called "a (censored) nuisance". Our remaining kiwi vines now grow at the far end of the orchard, where their leaves and blossom can stay on the ground to help mulch them, and where they are staked low enough to prune them and pick their fruit in winter.

Plant bare-rooted kiwis now, in a sheltered spot as their stems become brittle as they age and may break in high winds. They need good soil, and excellent feeding and watering for about four years, which is when they will begin to fruit - assuming the male flowers are close enough to the females to ensure pollination by bees and other insects.

Once kiwis have been growing for a decade or so they are virtually indestructible. Ours have survived years of complete neglect, frost, snow, drought, superheated bushfire gales, and one has been run over by a semi-trailer, though I suspect that what reappeared after the whole plant was crushed is the rootstock - but it still bears good, if smallish fruit.

As for the unexpected pair that arrived last week - they have been planted next to the existing kiwi grove, and watered in well. I may feel a little guilty as I watch them grow, but the fruit will be eaten with delight.

We've made it a whole lot easier for you to have your say. Our new comment platform requires only one log-in to access articles and to join the discussion on The Canberra Times website. Find out how to register so you can enjoy civil, friendly and engaging discussions. See our moderation policy here.