This is new for me - feeling heartbroken after a sports game.
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But then, the last couple of weeks - which have seen me firmly on the Matildas' bandwagon - have had me feeling all sorts of emotions I've never had about sport. The gut-wrenching stress that came with Saturday's game against France. The exhilarating joy that came with Sam Kerr's goal against England. The instant relief every time Mackenzie Arnold - Australia's true Minister of Defence - blocked a goal. The daring hope that came when you let yourself believe perhaps this was the time the Matildas were going to go all the way.
But more than anything there was pride. Pride in a team I only knew one member of mere weeks ago. And while every other emotion has come and gone, that has not only lasted but sparked something inside of me and many other Australians.
![Matildas captain Sam Kerr celebrates with Hayley Raso after scoring a goal during the game against England. Picture by Anna Warr Matildas captain Sam Kerr celebrates with Hayley Raso after scoring a goal during the game against England. Picture by Anna Warr](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/hU74HdTxzzWB78D7znDAb9/7d53106f-1d34-40ed-98b0-d2004e416123.jpg/r0_160_6000_3547_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
This week I have had countless conversations about how this cultural moment in history will have lasting effects on soccer and women's sport in general. How little girls across Australia will look towards the Matildas and join teams themselves. How the event's record-breaking viewership - including the 11.15 million Australians who tuned in on Wednesday evening on Channel 7 alone - hopefully means more funding will follow. And how surely the argument there isn't interest in women's sports is now dead in the water.
But on Thursday morning as fans - both old and new - consoled each other for the previous night's loss while agreeing the Matildas had done the country proud, it does make me wonder what the bandwagon will look like in a week.
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Will there be a divide between those who hop off and go back to business as usual, and those who are keen to set up camp until the bandwagon simply just becomes the fan-wagon? To deny this divide is coming would mean morning coffee runs wouldn't have already been peppered with conversations about whether people were planning to tune in on Saturday's game against Sweden to see who takes out third place. Now that the opportunity of taking out the cup completely, will people still want to support them as they vie for third - and make history either way for getting further than any Aussie men's or women's team has before?
But why wouldn't you watch it? After going through the glorious highs and the heartbreaking lows, would you not want to stick out to the end? Or, as the Matildas' tagline so aptly puts it, 'Til it's done? And even then - why stop there?
This FIFA Women's World Cup has felt like a shift, capturing the hearts of those who had never considered themselves to be a sports fan before. And it's a shift that I don't want to end.
I have already googled when Canberra United's season kicks off (November) and worked out which friends are keen to head along. I've looked into how I can watch Sam Kerr play for Chelsea, Hayley Raso for Real Madrid, Mary Fowler for Manchester City and Mackenzie Arnold play for West Ham United from the comfort of my living room.
![Australia's true Minister of Defence, Matildas goalie Mackenzie Arnold during warm-up. Picture by Anna Warr Australia's true Minister of Defence, Matildas goalie Mackenzie Arnold during warm-up. Picture by Anna Warr](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/hU74HdTxzzWB78D7znDAb9/0da3372e-957f-480d-8d31-1c8b1e59aec7.jpg/r0_307_6000_3694_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
And this newfound enjoyment of soccer has leaked into other areas of the women's sporting world. The Canberra Capitals' first game on November 5 is already in my diary, and as soon as I find someone to explain what the hell is going on in the NRL, I will don the lime green and get tickets to watch the women play at Canberra Stadium. (Applications are now open for anyone wanting to fill that role).
But it is not all sunshine, rainbows and various sports balls. I still have questions.
Like why did commentator David Basheer bring up the fact Matildas midfielder Katrina Gorry not losing any of her competitive instincts since becoming a mother? Of course she didn't. Why would she?
Why was it soccer that pushed Australians over the edge to finally sit up and pay attention? When the Australian Diamonds won the Netball World Cup for the 12th time earlier this month, why did no one seem to care?
And why the hell is everyone OK with the Raiders women's team logo being a bearded dude instead of a kick-arse woman? I know the official answer is licensing and trademark issues but surely there is room to get a second logo licensed and trademarked?
Don't even get me started on the money side of things.
![Matildas striker Mary Fowler during the game against England on Wednesday. Picture by Anna Warr Matildas striker Mary Fowler during the game against England on Wednesday. Picture by Anna Warr](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/hU74HdTxzzWB78D7znDAb9/52f12a3c-c98b-411a-9d7a-7633cbed8e37.jpg/r0_290_3620_2333_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
I don't have the answers to any of these questions. And even though I get to sit next to the sports team daily (and forced them to answer my many stupid questions throughout the World Cup in a bid to understand everything going on) I'm not entirely certain any of these can be answered in a couple of sentences. And more to the point, the problems won't be solved in those sentences, either.
But there is something I can do, and that is taking this spark the Matildas have so expertly lit under Australia and run with it. And perhaps if enough people do the same, the love of women's sports will spread like wildfire, and questions surrounding the sport are no longer about whether women are good enough to be on the world stage, but rather why it took us so long to collectively realise they were in the first place.
It's an exciting future to think about. And I honestly believe it's a matter of taking it one game at a time. 'Til it's done.
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