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Warning: this column may offend some readers. It contains sarcasm.
Thank heavens for Peter Dutton. Were it not for him, the outrage would have gone unremarked, the insult to our national identity - our pride - unchallenged.
How dare Woolworths decide not to stock Chinese made merchandise celebrating our most sacred day. Sure, it might not be selling as fast as it once did. The cheap green and gold inflatable thongs and poorly stitched boxing kangaroo boardshorts made in factories on the outskirts of Shenzhen from last year might be in landfill now. But, seriously Woolworths, where is your national pride?
And now Aldi has gone and done the same. You might find a trombone or orbital sander you never knew you needed in the middle aisle but an Aussie flag beach towel? Forget it. Same with Kmart, which struggled to offload all its Halloween and Christmas tat.
Peter's standing up on all our behalves. King Canute (also spelled Cnut but beware of autocorrect) commanding the woke tide to stay back from our shining shores. He's put aside the woes of his disaster-wracked home state, Queensland, to rail against a corporate giant that's clearly a bigger threat to our way of life than climate change will ever be.
He's called on Australians to boycott the supermarket chain. But why stop there?
Where's Peter's call to boycott electricity? Too much of it - almost 37 per cent of it last financial year - now comes from renewable energy, which is about as woke as it gets. And as for those Teslas, how dare they become Australia's most popular new vehicle in 2023. Even our roads are filling up with woke EVs. They're coming for your weekend!
It doesn't end there.
Sport has gone woke. The NRL, the AFL, even cricket - all woke and headed for the boycott bin.
Big business - the Coalition's natural ally when it was still relevant - woke beyond redemption. We're not talking Twiggy Forrest here; he was born woke but refrained from taking a position on the Voice. We're talking Qantas, Wesfarmers, Rio Tinto and BHP, which all supported it. Boycott them, Peter. Cancel them. (Oh wait, isn't that what woke people do?)
Even the ADF has reverted to "wokism" (whatever that is). As defence minister, Peter banned woke morning teas on special days that promoted inclusion or even mental health awareness. Now, that ban has been reversed and we're awaiting the Opposition Leader's call to boycott the army, which is helping to clean up the mess in Queensland.
We're also waiting for him to out the Bureau of Meteorology for its woke climate data, the Farmers Federation for aiming for a carbon neutral beef industry by 2030, the NSW Country Women's Association for advocating for the protection of koala habitat and John Farnham for writing that woke anthem, The Voice. Boycott 'em all, Pete.
And boycott the media too. At least until January is done and the silly season comes to an end. You mightn't have noticed, Pete, but we've all been enjoying our pollie-free summer. And very few of us had noticed the absence of Australia Day merch. We're more concerned about the price of lamb chops. Perhaps you should be too.
![Peter Broelman's editorial cartoon for Monday, January 15, 2024. Peter Broelman's editorial cartoon for Monday, January 15, 2024.](/images/transform/v1/crop/frm/pMXRnDj3SUU44AkPpn97sC/7e8ef9fb-4b5d-47fb-896c-9b5b6969f4f4.png/r0_0_1920_1079_w1200_h678_fmax.jpg)
HAVE YOUR SAY: Does Dutton have a valid point about Woolworths not stocking Australia Day merchandise? Or is he clutching at culture war straws? Would you boycott a supermarket chain because it didn't sell Australia Day thongs? Or are you more concerned about the prices it charges for food? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- A Queensland woman has been flown to hospital after being bitten by a deadly snake in her own bed. The woman, aged in her 20s, was bitten on the left hand by an Eastern Brown Snake in the early hours of January 12.
- To the relief of borrowers, the economy appears to be showing signs of softening ahead of the Reserve Bank's first rate decision of the year as growth in spending and home loan values decelerates. The Australian Bureau of Statistics' lending data released on Friday shows the value of new loans has continued to rise, but at a slower rate.
- Hong Kong customs officials have seized a shipment of live lobsters weighing more than 3000 kilograms, allegedly bound for mainland China ahead of New Year festivities. The origin has not been confirmed but it is believed the crustaceans could have been caught in Australia.
THEY SAID IT: "Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it." - George Bernard Shaw
YOU SAID IT: Garry railed against the endless customer surveys which turn up whenever we complete a transaction or wait hours on hold to have a technical issue resolved.
"You've touched a nerve," writes Anita. "I'm fed up to the back teeth with endless surveys and stress, we're under no obligation to do this for them. Unless an incentive is offered, I make a point of deleting the survey. The first question should be: What's in it for me? If the answer is simply a chance to win, forget it. I never win raffles etc and we need to know the ratio of winners to entries before contemplating this as an incentive. I suspect no one wins, or else they've already awarded the prize to a relative. How do we check for honesty in this promotion? An alternative incentive for completing the survey could include discounted movie tickets, loyalty card points, a small gift posted in the mail. Whatever! But not nothing!"
John writes: "An experience with post-service Toyota feedback. Over a period of 18 months, three issues raised - first, a minor job not done; second, poor paint match on a repair job; third, in relation to their survey about the new car experience. A comment back to them that they pay no attention to matters raised in service-feedback. You guessed it - no response to any comments raised. Oh what a feeling."
"I have RSI from deleting all those incessant surveys," writes Elizabeth. "If what I ordered arrived, surely that should just be what you expect to happen. If you've done something spectacularly good (or bad) I'll let you know. I'm quite bemused by the ones you get requesting feedback when you have literally just placed the order. Not sure how you are supposed to review something you haven't even received. The waitress at the cafe who tossed my lunch on the table yesterday was a bit grumpy, but it was a hot day and her feet probably hurt, so I just deleted their feedback survey."
Marja writes: "Laughed nearly continuously while reading this Echidna. My favourite interactions with YOUI have involved begging them to please put an option between 'awesome' (only to be used when referring to the universe or the appallingness of Donald Trump) and 'good'."
"This is my first comment after reading and mostly enjoying your stories every morning for some years now," writes Bruce from Tumbarumba. "Thanks for another enjoyable article, I don't fill in surveys now, as I've never had a response for the always constructive negative or positive feedback I've given. Thanks for starting my morning on the right foot."