Jane lived in fear waiting for police to locate her abuser

After Jane* came home to see "C---" painted in large letters across her entrance, a clear sense fear set in and anxiety took over her waking hours.

Jane, who has an invisible disability, said she didn't have proof but knew who was responsible for the damage which included a smashed doorbell and broken security cameras.

She ended a violent and controlling marriage years ago but said the ensuing co-parenting nightmare had quickly turned into "post-separation abuse".

Jane said drop-offs became increasingly hostile as her ex and his partner harassed and intimidated her with the child still in the car.

"They'd tried to block off all the parking ... his partner [was] at the passenger side window with her middle finger raised up ... verbally harassing me," she said. "She also hit the car."

Repeated messages threatening legal action and custody battles pushed the single mother to apply for a family violence order against her ex and a personal protection order against his partner.

They were granted in June but only served three weeks later to the ex. Jane was notified via SMS. The order against his partner took almost six weeks to serve; Jane said ACT police called to inform her.

Experts and family violence support workers have long said post-separation is one of the most dangerous times for female victim-survivors.

An Australian Institute of Family Studies survey showed violence was frequently or mostly occurring against most female participants, particularly when making parenting arrangements and decisions about children.

The 2021-2022 national personal safety survey also showed women with invisible disabilities were twice more likely to experience emotional abuse by a past or present cohabiting partner than women without disabilities.

Jane said the uncertainty and waiting process took a toll on her. From losing hours of sleep, paid leave and income, to her new partner, close family members and friends cutting ties, saying they didn't want to be "involved".

"The solicitor warned me, they warn you at the court, the Domestic Violence Crisis Centre, a couple of my friends - one of my friends is a cop, another one's partner is a cop and they've both [said] to me 'be careful'," Jane said.

"I've become paranoid."

She said she called the protection unit multiple times and it would go to voicemail. After three weeks, she believed police had forgotten to notify her.

"In court, they said it would be a week," Jane said. "I was feeling so stressed out about it. I ended up having [weeks] off work ... I was just exhausted."

She also had no contact with ACT Policing's family violence liaison officers who support victim-survivors navigating the criminal justice system.

When ACT Policing was contacted about the delay, a spokesperson said they could not comment on specific orders relating to family violence and personal protection.

They said there were inherent challenges in locating people because police served orders face to face.

They said most orders were served soon after courts issued them but in some cases it could take "a number of days or weeks".

"Police are limited in the resources they can use to locate a respondent," the spokesperson said. "Where a respondent is located interstate, we will liaise with local police to serve the order on ACT Policing's behalf."

If an applicant felt unsafe waiting for orders to be served police said they assessed the case and liaised with a support service.

"If a matter was deemed high risk, further support may be provided to an FVO applicant," the spokesperson said.

Jane never reported her ex while they were married and said the protection order was the first time she took action. At the time of writing, her ex and his partner had six active legal processes against her.

Jane said her disability had also been used in court as evidence of being an "unfit mother".

This "extremely common story" is systems abuse, Australian National University's Dr Chay Brown said. In this type of abuse, she said perpetrators used systems like child protection and family law court to further control and harm victim-survivors.

Dr Brown has researched violence against women since 2012 and also worked on the National Plan (2022-2032). She said the plan to end violence had principles to recognise systems abuse, its effects on victim-survivors, and respond to it.

In Jane's case, Dr Brown said this understanding had not "trickled down" to police who were often tasked with the bulk of the front-line response.

"That's why you'll get a really sluggish response," she said, noting the possibility of police being under-resourced. "The onus has been placed on victim-survivors to do things like [gather evidence], take out protection orders ... but that doesn't create safety."

She said Australia was "still not learning" existing processes were insufficient, and too much responsibility was placed on victim-survivors. She said police needed to focus on the person choosing to use violence.

"We have this cultural expectation ... that if victim-survivors do this checklist of things ... that they'll be safe, but the mechanisms are not there to respond to that level of risk," Dr Brown said.

"Whilst she's waiting five weeks for the order to be served what's going on with him? Who's watching him?"