With all the expectation of Dennis Lillee in his heyday I turn at the top of my mark. I try to compose myself. It's my first time so I'm a tad nervous. A hush falls over a couple of passers-by who have gathered to see what all the fuss is about.
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Then with a short sprint of about 10 paces I stop just short of a line drawn in the pebbled-driveway of Young's School of Music and with one almighty spluttering hiss, spit my cherry pip as far as I can. I propel it with such gusto that my Akubra flies off my head.
The pip goes a good distance - at least 5m - and much to my jubilation bounces past the pip of 13-year-old Nick Boland - the reigning Junior Champ at the Young Cherry Pip Spitting championships, held each November as part of the town's cherry festival.
''Unfortunately, the distance is measured where it first lands,'' explains Nick who gleefully accepted my challenge for a ''pip-off'' before his after-school music lesson.
Oh well, fair enough, I guess when you think of similar sports that involve propelling an object as far as possible, like the shot put - it's measured where it first hits the ground not where it might roll to.
Tim the Yowie Man tries his hand, or mouth, at cherry pip spitting
Sensing I lack a well-grounded technique, Nick offers up some advice. ''It's all in the run-up and the delivery - I roll my tongue and give it a big spit at the last possible moment,'' he says.
So following Nick's lead, I munch on another cherry and try to keep the pip in the roll of my tongue, ready for our next bout. Just as I start my run-up it drops pathetically out on to the pebbles. Argh!
I ask Nick to do a couple of solo spits so I can study his style. Even at his somewhat tender age, he's got an acquired technique, and one which obviously works. I've got nothing. No skill and certainly no style. Heck, I'm even tripping up on my shoelaces as I clumsily plod up and down the driveway.
I study Nick's every move. Everything from his confident but short run-up to the poise and panache with which he ejects the pip out of the roll of his tongue like a dart out of a gun.
It's my turn again. But it's all in vain. Amid a spray of saliva (memo to self: in future always practise spitting downwind), my pip lands a good metre short of Nick's. What am I doing wrong?
It's not that I didn't do my research. Earlier in the week I called upon the aid of two of our country's most qualified thinktanks when it comes to cherry spitting. Or at least I thought they'd be. First stop was the Australian Institute of Sport which disappointingly rejected my request for one of its ''world leading sport scientists'' to advise on how best to spit a cherry pip. Is it any wonder our Olympic medal counts are falling faster than the Dow Jones when our elite sporting minds can't even turn their attention - even just for a few minutes - to the mundane task of spitting the stone out of a summer fruit?
A contestant in the cherry pip spitting contest
Next, I called upon the Research School of Physics at the Australian National University. Surely if anyone could advise on the most appropriate trajectory to gain maximum distance in a cherry pip spit, it would be the lab-coated boffins in Acton? Their response? Stunned silence.
If the theory of relativity was discovered while having a scrub in a bath, who knows what great scientific discoveries can be made while observing the flight path of a cherry pip? What's the good of having a drop tower if it can't be used for such weighty tasks as measuring the terminal velocity of a cherry pip?
Then there are the orchards. Earlier in the day I'd called into Ballinaclash Orchard to try and get some tips straight from the growers' mouths. However, when I pressed owners Peter and Cath Mullany about how to best spit the pip, they both clammed up.
Was it because they didn't want to reveal their top-secret pip propulsion technique? Not quite. ''We don't want our floor covered with cherry pips,'' was Cath's response.
The Mullanys were, however, happy to sell me a cherry pitter which ingeniously allows you to remove the cherry pip without actually having to eat/damage the cherry. Maybe I'll send it to the ANU Research School of Physics as an early Christmas present.
One place where I'm sure the locals take the science of cherry pip spitting a little more seriously is in Germany where competitors at the Witzenhausen cherry pip spitting competition (yes, believe it or not there are others!) were recently caught tampering with their pips.
''After the competition we found manipulated cherry stones on the spitting range,'' reveals Ulrich Walger head honcho from the Witzenhausen organising committee. It turns out an ingenious competitor had slit open the pip, inserted metal shots covered it with a filler before varnishing it - all in an attempt to get further distance.
''We had to annul our championships as we couldn't identify the culprit,'' laments Ulrich.
Nick says, ''At our championships you can't bring your own cherries and instead you have to pluck one randomly from a box - that eliminates a lot of potential for cheating.''
With Nick's music lesson about to begin, I decide to have one last crack at out-spitting the Junior Champ. Sadly, while my attempt sprays waywardly out of my gob landing near my feet, Nick's almost takes out the eye of a young girl who's arrived for violin lessons right down at the end of the driveway. I give up. If I can't beat a 13-year-old kid, what chance have I got to be competitive in the open competition?
I wish Nick all the best for next Sunday's championships and slink off into to town to drown my sorrows - with cherry wine of course. Not surprisingly, with its status as cherry capital of Australia, Young is cherry mad. Everywhere you look there are images of the bright red stone fruit - from giant cherries outside the visitor centre to their footy team jumpers (they're called the cherry-pickers and their alumni - the cherryatrics).
Cherry Festival mascot Pip the Cherry will make an appearance at this year's Cherry Festival
At Wilders, the town's main bakery (it's two storeys high and takes pride of place next to the Town Hall), wedged between the lamingtons and custard tarts are shelves and shelves of ... you guessed it, cherry pies. Kylie, the friendly manager tells me that these are the pies that are used for another of the festival's big sporting challenges - the cherry pie eating competition. Hungry from my afternoon of pip spitting (I wonder if anyone has worked out how many calories you burn with each pip spit - perhaps that's another task for my friends from the AIS?), I put one cream-covered pie away in quick time before ordering two more.
Kylie tells me I'll have to eat much faster if I want to be competitive in the pie-eating challenge. ''Last year's winner scoffed 11 pies (meat pie sized) in 60 seconds,'' she boasts. Mmm that's one every 5.5seconds. Not only did the winner pick up a nice cash prize but I imagine also an afternoon on the loo (too many cherries have a laxative effect). That said given the pies for the challenge are donated by the bakery, it's a sure way to get a free feed. Little wonder many of the itinerant cherry pickers flock to this event.
With the sun setting on my brief visit to Young and with a bulging belly, it's time to head home. On the way out of town I drop back into Ballinaclash Orchard and pick up a case of cherries. They're now sitting in my fridge. So if the AIS, the ANU Research School of Physics or anyone else can offer any meaningful advice on how to beat a 13-year-old at pip spitting, then please let me know.
If all else fails, I'm sure I can find an old pot of varnish somewhere in the garage.
FACT FILE
Young Cherry Festival. This coming Friday - Sunday (December 2-4). For more info: www.visityoung.com.au or 02 6382 3394. Dozens of events for all the family all weekend, including the Street Parade at 4pm on Saturday, December 3. Young is an easy two-hour drive from Canberra via Yass.
Cherry Pie Eating Competition: Saturday, December 3, 1pm-2pm (registration from 12.45pm). Outside Wilders Bakery in the main street. Numbers limited. Cash prizes: Juniors: $100, Seniors: $250.
Cherry Pip Spit Competition: Sunday, December 4, 11am-12.15pm. Cash prizes: Juniors: $50, Seniors: $100.
Ballinacash Orchard and Cellar Door: Olympic Highway, 6km the Canberra side of Young. Ph:02 6382 1830. Pick your own for $6kg or buy already boxed $10kg.
CHERRY CAPITAL
So why is Young the Cherry Capital of Australia?
1. 600,000 cases, or about 60 per cent of all Australia's cherries, are produced in the Young district.
2. The area's rich granite soils are not only fertile but also allow moisture to drain away, creating optimum cherry-growing conditions.
3. The temperature in Young suits cherry production - approximately 14,000 chill hours at less than 7 degrees Celsius so that the fruit sets correctly.
CONTACT TIM
Got a comment on today's stories or an unusual photo? Let me know: Email: timtheyowieman@bigpond.com or Twitter: @TimYowie or write to me c/o The Canberra Times 9 Pirie Street, Fyshwick.
